You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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