I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
