Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
