stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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