I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
