Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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