Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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