im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
