The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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