i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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