is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
