I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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