I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
