just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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