well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
