I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
