How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
