shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
