Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
