So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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