Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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