Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
