Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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