it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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