Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
