I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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