im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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