We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
