Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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