i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
