i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
