Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
