i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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