Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
two words...techno handjob
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
