why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
