last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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