Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
