I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
