Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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