I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who died my cat blue again?
Panties = found
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
