Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
