Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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