i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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