I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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