He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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