If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
