Did you just see the Batmobile???
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
