We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
