honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
