I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
