so explain again why im purple
no
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
