well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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