Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize