'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Text me some of your sweat
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