Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
