wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
