I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
