i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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