My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
